Made for him
by Ruthyroo
Summary: Ste and Brendan know that they are made for each other. Stendan of course.


**This is done from both Ste and Brendan's POV**

**Made for him :)**

The minute I'm back I'm reminded of him, how am I supposed to move on when there are so many memories here. I'm never gonna forget him am I?

_Things should be getting easier for him now; at least I hope they are. He will soon forget all about me and everything I put him through._

I enter Chez Chez and see a thousand memories flash before my eyes. I walk into the office only to see his empty chair.

_Soon he will move on from me and he will realize that this was the best thing for him. I would only ever bring him down._

Someone's here, I pray it's him and that all this is just a bad dream. But it's not him and Kevin is stood here, stood here in his club.

_He will make a new future and he will forgive in time. He has a big heart and a good soul, that's where we are different. It'll all come good._

I hit him hard, harder than I've ever hit anyone and I want to hurt him just like he's hurt Brendan, just like he's hurt me.

_Steven is a good man; he doesn't use his fists or violence to get through life, unlike me. I mean let's face it; this was always going to be my fate._

I can see the blood on my hands and Kevin is on the floor, I feel my tears fall as I look at the man that stole my future…my happy ending.

_I know he was heartbroken when it all went wrong for us, but I hope he understands now that he has had time to think about it all._

I am so angry, why did Brendan let everyone do this to us? I will never forgive him for leaving me. I will never understand why he didn't fight.

_He has the deli, he has good friends and I know they will help him. None of them wanted us to be together anyway._

I can't let anyone else have his club; I will sell the deli if I have to. I will sell everything I own, I will do whatever it takes.

_There's not a day that goes by when I don't think of him and part of me wants to know what he's up to, maybe I could ask Chez._

Nothing matters to me anymore and staring at my blood stained hand, embracing this powerful feeling I feel, I know the old Ste is back.

_I could write to Chez, ask her to keep me informed on what he's up to. I thought I could just cut all ties, but I'm struggling._

I won't rest until I have his club and as for Kevin, he will pay, I will make sure of it. Seeing him again has brought everything back home.

_I thought I could forget him and let him go, but I can't. I've never been able to have I? I have to know if he's okay, because I'm not._

Everywhere I turn and everywhere I look, there is something that reminds me of us. I really thought we were forever this time.

_I can't give him anything though, my life is in here now and there is nothing I can do about it. I just don't know what to do for the best anymore._

After scaring Kevin away I leave the club and head home, back to my empty flat. I clean up my hand and try my hardest to calm down.

_I thought removing myself from his life would be the best thing for both of us, but I was wrong because it's definitely not right for me._

I enter my bedroom…our bedroom and I notice his jacket lying on the floor, I pick it up and smell it. Inhaling his scent I fall onto the bed.

_I thought that being here, inside, locked away would stop the nightmares, but I've soon realised that they've only just begun._

I hold onto his jacket as if I was holding onto him and I cry myself to sleep, allowing myself to dream of him…of us together.

_The nightmares are different now though, there not of Seamus anymore, there of Steven loving someone else and it's driving me insane._

I wake and my bad mood hasn't lifted, I've never been one for revenge, but I won't rest until I've got it on everyone that hurt us.

_Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have him in my life still. I need him now, more than ever. I feel like I'm going mad without him._

I have nothing left to fight for now, Brendan won't see me, maybe I could do something real bad, get arrested and be with him inside.

_I miss him so much, although it's like he's here with me anyway as he is all I see. His face haunts me just like I knew it would._

That's it; I could turn to a life of crime, then we could be together again. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it sooner.

_I don't want to never see him again; I thought I could handle it, but I can't. I'm a fool to think that I could just throw it all away._

So it wouldn't be ideal, two criminals inside tying to love each other, but anything's gotta be better than being without him every day.

_So tomorrow I will write to him and send him a visiting order. Maybe we can make something out of all this, maybe there's a chance for us._

So tomorrow I will start my new life, I will find a way to be with him again and nothing is going to stop me, not this time.

_He might not come, he might ignore me, just like I have ignored him, but I have to try. He deserves the option; I shouldn't have denied him that._

Nothing can separate us and no amount of time can change the way I feel about him. When I said forever I meant it.

_I thought that time would heal, but I feel worse than before. He changed everything for me and I know now more than ever that he was made for me._

I will see him again, I will be with him again, it's the one thing I'm certain of and I know now more than ever that I was made for him.

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